maybe we are alike

  hi, its very random of me writing this kind of early, well its 8:47 pm at night but still- i live quite far from my faculty, ig it took me 20 mins of walking to my class every day but it is still inside i've had a moment here, quite short moment because it was indeed a wrong thing in the first place, but it still happened, and i am struggling to forget everytime, i see an orange car, no matter what type, my heart was struck.  it is so funny, even when you're studying at the same place, you wont find them again i wonder if an orange car had passed me when i was walking home from class, walking back to class and if they noticed me.  i wonder how was that feeling, acting like it doesnt bother well i was supposed to be an emcee for a certain program, and i had really hoped they're coming i guess they're not coming, it listed 'TAK HADIR' which, kind of makes me sad.  it's not like i want to talk, and it's not like i want to meet, it just i simply want to se...

  wow, hi guys it's been awhile, NOT because i dont want to write, but my laptop... broke 350 ringgit later, and the laptop is here ! guys, i have so much to tell, where do i even begin let's start with the most important thing  I got a scholarship guys !!! a maybank scholarship !! after working hard for so long, and a few of depressive episodes, i made it! i couldn't be more proud of myself, it was hard, a bit of a rough journey to get there, but i made it im so grateful, alhamdulillah  e induction camp, i was a little bit anxious before going since- well, i will be meeting strangers but i had the best time there ! so many brilliant peeps, i really really enjoy my time with them, going to see each other again at the bootcamp next year !! the reason why i havent been active these past 5 months is... yes my laptop broke and also- i was taking my break, in any .... social engagement, physical engagement... like i really took my time to rest because idk dude, last semester...

 hi it's me last entry was in may ? june ? Almost 3 weeks that I barely talk to anyone, 3 weeks of verbally silent. Life is so much harder these days, I'm starting to think maybe I am not strong enough for all of this. It's unfair, how I longed for things that most people have. Companionship, family, family members I longed for families, thought theirs are perfect when i see it from outside. Maybe there are things that i didn't know about them, the problems inside the house.  But they still, a family. Still have one another I am completely alone, No one to help, No one to --  // okay that was yesterday's part of blog, i didnt get to finish it because I just cried, after the last sentence I have no energy to blog, to live But today is my last night being 19, tomorrow is my birthday ! let me just picture the day tomorrow : 1. wake up 2. shower 3. study database engineering 4. eat around 5 pm 5. call aimar around 10 pm same goes like any other days I mean i know i shou...

// wrote this over 2 months ago hi everyone it's me yea as per usual, going to start my blog saying- it's been a long time since i've blogged. i miss it, yada yada i am overwhelmed by a lot of different stuff, assignments, my studies everything is fine though, i'm just really busy, that's why i haven't blogged but i always feel the longing to blog, but tonight i can't contain it anymore, can't hold it in anymore sometimes i wonder if the road that i'm taking right now is the best for me or not i wonder what if i had taken the other road, that leads me to a whole lot of different possibilities maybe more problems, maybe fewer problems i've caught myself reminiscing stuff, the one that was probably sent more than a year ago the one that happened earlier this morning the one that happened a month ago sometimes i wonder if the person i'm talking to, like normal people in their own daily life, has the same thoughts as me i wonder, are they really ...

If she was being honest, she didn’t really know how to say the things she needed to say. There were so many hearts, so many minds she felt responsible for so much so that writing this was less about clarity and more about trying to let go of the weight she'd been carrying for too long. A weight that clung to her chest, unrelenting. Was it naive of her? Naive to think that making someone happy would be enough for them to choose her? She gave deeply, genuinely. Sometimes she gave more than she could even give to herself. She lit up others in ways she never learned to do for her own soul. And in the end, it broke her. Yes, she got hurt. And worst of all, she blamed herself. She knew how it would end. She saw it coming. She recognized the signs. But knowing didn’t mean she was prepared. not for the ache, not for the shock, not for the unraveling that followed. She tried to brace herself, but no amount of readiness could soften the blow. What she felt was a chaos of emotions- anger, dis...

  hi it's me i felt like writing something tonight even if it's not usually my time of writing, i mean before this, yeah now, I just dont have the time for it, and i have a lot to do, a lot assignments, group project to think For the past few weeks i have been busy, busy with my studies, my assignments, works on the club, i even compete to be vice president or secretary for the next semester, it has been so so busy- with back to back event but i feel good, tired- but good. im still trying to figure out how to balance on everything, my relationship, my studies, my hobby for writing still trying to make time for myself, just me, laptop, writing with my headphones on with a volume of 80 because theyre noisy ( roomates/classmates) i applied for a maybank scholarship last semester, and i got an email for me to be in the next assesment, interview thing. Oh i already feel some butterflies in but so excited  i want to write more but at the back of my mind, its statistics tutorial, and...