maybe we are alike

If she was being honest, she didn’t really know how to say the things she needed to say. There were so many hearts, so many minds she felt responsible for so much so that writing this was less about clarity and more about trying to let go of the weight she'd been carrying for too long. A weight that clung to her chest, unrelenting. Was it naive of her? Naive to think that making someone happy would be enough for them to choose her? She gave deeply, genuinely. Sometimes she gave more than she could even give to herself. She lit up others in ways she never learned to do for her own soul. And in the end, it broke her. Yes, she got hurt. And worst of all, she blamed herself. She knew how it would end. She saw it coming. She recognized the signs. But knowing didn’t mean she was prepared. not for the ache, not for the shock, not for the unraveling that followed. She tried to brace herself, but no amount of readiness could soften the blow. What she felt was a chaos of emotions- anger, dis...

  hi it's me i felt like writing something tonight even if it's not usually my time of writing, i mean before this, yeah now, I just dont have the time for it, and i have a lot to do, a lot assignments, group project to think For the past few weeks i have been busy, busy with my studies, my assignments, works on the club, i even compete to be vice president or secretary for the next semester, it has been so so busy- with back to back event but i feel good, tired- but good. im still trying to figure out how to balance on everything, my relationship, my studies, my hobby for writing still trying to make time for myself, just me, laptop, writing with my headphones on with a volume of 80 because theyre noisy ( roomates/classmates) i applied for a maybank scholarship last semester, and i got an email for me to be in the next assesment, interview thing. Oh i already feel some butterflies in but so excited  i want to write more but at the back of my mind, its statistics tutorial, and...

 hi everyone it's me wow, it has been a long... long.... long time since i've blogged, and it is may too right now, shit time goes so fast, but what did i even been doing for the past months i am doing fine, healthier, full of love, a little bit depressed but thats normal the truth is- I always want to blog, I miss sitting and writing on my laptop, writing down my feelings guess i just don't have much time to spend - to think about feelings, to even acknowledge things life has been so much harder these days, ever since - idk forever it's not like i wanted to sound like an ungrateful person, sure , all things have good in the end  it's just sometimes it isn't fair things happened, and i don't know if i am supposed to heal it or ignore it i mean i know the best way is to handle with it- if it is only such a problem but what if it's just a traumatic experience, a hurtful moment it is not a problem , i guess, i don't need to deal with it right at that mo...

  hi for the past few days, wait let me try that again i always think about you, mai. maybe because i put our pictures on the wall, or maybe i miss talking to you, or maybe i'm always wondering how things ended and why and what happened.  it's getting out of control in my mind to think, so i'm writing it down so i can see i love you, mai.  not in the past tense, no you're my bestfriend. i like being with you, which is something to think about since the last time we met was 2 years ago.  i know what you felt about me, and im comfortable with it, it was a moving on confession so i wouldn't mind, in a slightest i dont know about now, i don't know any of your updates, and it makes me sad that i don't know a thing about you when we're older. but i put the blame on me when i didn't reply to your last message.  it's my fault that we did not get a chance to meet, you have a right to be mad, to be pissed off.  but no one is replying to me, and theyre some...

 hi it's me just a day until the new year, i find it so weird- how can i be 20 next year its insane. i havent blogged for awhile when im here, in my first semester degree i dont know, im still trying to make myself feel comfortable in here, well - it's not a place i would want to do my degree.  i made peace with it , i redha i guess it's fine. it's not so bad so far, i LOVE the course im taking. im in my element just- the place, its a ghost town, what do you feel but on a bright side, i can save money i guess i always wanted to blog, but i dont have the mood for it, not really i miss me , like this- sitting with my laptop on, writing things that are coming out from my head i've blogged since im 15, goddamn im 20 in 2 days...  how time really flies, this blog has seen EVERYTHING, well , not everything EVERYTHING, just- a major part that i feel like i want to blog it here (?) i know, i know, blog is like old people thing, idk- millenials ? millanials wtv the fuck how ...

  hi, it's me it's been awhile to be honest, i don't feel like it has been a month yet, i barely make friends here, i dont, feel any joy, just study but i joined a club so i guess it's good, to have some friends but im not talking about that, i dont feel like it few days ago, i experienced a thing that i really- scared is that the word,  i don't find any suitable word for it it's sad, but im glad it's over im heartbroken but at least i don't have to handle it anymore it's disgusting but i feel a bit of hapiness when people ask me, i always say im an only child- when the truth is not i have, other siblings on my dad's side, mom's side, its complicated but i am, an only child, i grew up alone, play alone, fucking yea im an only child but not on paper though i met my " siblings ", and i don't ever feel like they are one, how could i they verbally said they don't like me when i was a child but i don't know, i feel a weird fe...