almost two, months

If she was being honest, she didn’t really know how to say the things she needed to say.

There were so many hearts, so many minds she felt responsible for so much so that writing this was less about clarity and more about trying to let go of the weight she'd been carrying for too long. A weight that clung to her chest, unrelenting.

Was it naive of her?

Naive to think that making someone happy would be enough for them to choose her?

She gave deeply, genuinely. Sometimes she gave more than she could even give to herself. She lit up others in ways she never learned to do for her own soul. And in the end, it broke her.

Yes, she got hurt. And worst of all, she blamed herself.

She knew how it would end. She saw it coming. She recognized the signs. But knowing didn’t mean she was prepared. not for the ache, not for the shock, not for the unraveling that followed. She tried to brace herself, but no amount of readiness could soften the blow.

What she felt was a chaos of emotions- anger, disbelief, and a deep, raw sadness that felt like it carved itself into her chest.

She thought she had learned by now. Thought that after being burned before, she’d be wiser, more guarded. But it didn’t take long before she fell again—too fast, too open—and she hated herself for it.

That voice in her head kept echoing the same words over and over.

“Oh fuck...”

It rang like a cruel mantra. The exact moment she saw the message that confirmed her fears. The moment she knew yet again, it wasn’t her. She wasn’t the one being chosen.

“Oh fuck me. It’s me again.”

How dare they? How dare someone offer her a piece of love and then take it back like she was disposable?

How do they sleep at night knowing they left someone aching in their wake?

People are messy. People are complicated. And she wasn’t exempt. She knew that. She had her own flaws, her own tangled reasons for doing and not doing things. But do people ever really listen to each other? Do they care to?

She hated what this made her feel.

She hated that, once again, her intuition had been right.

She was tired of playing nice with the ghosts of kindness people pretended to offer.

And so she screamed it into the void, not expecting an answer.

“Fuck you.

Fuck both of you.”