the end of '24 part I

 hi it's me

just a day until the new year, i find it so weird- how can i be 20 next year

its insane.

i havent blogged for awhile when im here, in my first semester degree

i dont know, im still trying to make myself feel comfortable in here, well - it's not a place i would want to do my degree. 

i made peace with it , i redha i guess

it's fine.

it's not so bad so far, i LOVE the course im taking. im in my element

just- the place, its a ghost town, what do you feel

but on a bright side, i can save money i guess

i always wanted to blog, but i dont have the mood for it, not really

i miss me , like this-

sitting with my laptop on, writing things that are coming out from my head

i've blogged since im 15, goddamn

im 20 in 2 days... 

how time really flies, this blog has seen EVERYTHING,

well , not everything EVERYTHING, just- a major part that i feel like i want to blog it here (?)

i know, i know, blog is like old people thing, idk- millenials ? millanials wtv the fuck how it spell out

but it's my childhood dream to have a blog, im just doing it for 9 year old me

but yea, 

its cringe, when you read it all from beginning, I wouldn't read from the beginning

because i think i would actually hate myself even more

but, in that time, in that moment, i actually feel good ranting writing about it

im not expecting for many people to read, but - having my thoughts and rants posted online makes me feel like comforted (?) like if theres anyone reading this, they know me a little. like yk, like you know something about me, about idk, how depressed i am, how i only blogged about depressing stuffs idk

i've grown. at least abit, more actual reality problems that i had to think about now, which makes me laugh seeing how 15 year old me, feeling very depressed about a boy leaving her, like girl. please. r u fr

but theres only one thing hasnt changed, and i dont think it will

having a resting bitch face will never get you as many friends as you think you would have

i swear to god, im not mad- most of the times, please

its just how my face looks like and please dont call me "sombong" when you never actually talk to me. 

it hurts, because i never meant myself to be interpreted that way, please

if i can have a plastic surgery , i would change myself to karina of aespa or any other ppl idk

but i know, i can't tell people what to think of me, so just do what you want to do

i dont really care anymore to be honest

okay lets talk about love, looooooovee

my boyfriend, aimar. he's so , a lover yk. he explains to me nicely, talks to me nicely, and whenever i annoyed him out, hes just so nice to me. never give me any silent treatments, never be mad at me. but actually he just mad at me because i wont stop fighting with him hehee. he did everything he could and i do too, and it is actually very sweet. i love the patience he has, the love he has, and the jokes. eventho 90 % of the jokes are meant to make me annoyed.  but i love it. i can be clingy and he understands me for it, and ofc im trying to make myself better for him. idk, we been together since we 18, almost 2 year, and we never ever ever have such a big big fight. and the sparks are there, never gone

such a gentleman, such a kind person, romantic, smart, what more could i want

i literally have the best boyfriend. so back the fuck off ladies !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i literally would do something bad if anything happens

so back the fuck offff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry i can be a little bit defensive 

anyway , i think im gonna blog again tmr, the last day of '24. i gotta do smtg so brb (tomorrow)