my

 

hi

for the past few days, wait let me try that again

i always think about you, mai. maybe because i put our pictures on the wall, or maybe i miss talking to you, or maybe i'm always wondering how things ended and why and what happened. 

it's getting out of control in my mind to think, so i'm writing it down so i can see

i love you, mai. 

not in the past tense, no

you're my bestfriend.

i like being with you, which is something to think about since the last time we met was 2 years ago. 

i know what you felt about me, and im comfortable with it, it was a moving on confession so i wouldn't mind, in a slightest

i dont know about now, i don't know any of your updates, and it makes me sad that i don't know a thing about you when we're older.

but i put the blame on me when i didn't reply to your last message. 

it's my fault that we did not get a chance to meet, you have a right to be mad, to be pissed off. 

but no one is replying to me, and theyre somewhere else, i'm sorry, i'm sorry for everything.

i would be mad too if i give a long message to someone just for her to read and not a response.

to be honest, i honestly don't know why i did not reply to you. maybe i was a coward, or i was scared losing a friend, or i was taken aback, or i dont understand whats happening.

 i know for a fact that you're trying to open up to people, without the guilt of replacing me, or us. and mai if it works, and it makes you feel lighter, then i'm glad. there are many people who are so much better friend than me, with you. and i'll be so happy when you're happy even if i do not get to see it. im just sad to lose a bestfriend, but it's all my fault so i'd handle it alone

you're going to be studying at somewhere far, far from home and its so exciting!! 

i wish you all the happiness you deserve in this world, and whatever burdens you might have later on, you can handle it strongly, because you are strong

and if sometime later you need a friend, that is not much of a good friend, but a friend that always love you whenever and wherever you are, i'm right here, and i be here for you. i'm sorry i write this, and i'm sorry that i had to write