19 !

hello it's me syaf

it has been awhile since .... well ages ago

truth is, i have been written, if not a lot then there are some. But I don't know, I don't post them for unknown reasons. I blogged about Dengkil, how happy I was, and how I really miss my friends there.

I turned 19 few days ago, probably one of my best birthdays ever.

aimar gave me a birthday surprise, I did not expect it at all because he'd been occupied with something else. I was not in my best mood, days before my birthday so I wanted to do nothing and probably eat somewhere with my mom.

But oh dear, how sweet is aimar, he came over and picked me up ( he asked my mom alrdy ! )

i thought we just gonna watch deadpool and have a nice lunch, but . . 

he came over, picked me up and said " im sorry, i didn't manage to buy you anything when i was out few days ago"

i knew he was occupied with his family so i was like " oh it's fine, we are going out anyways and can spend time together, that's all it matters" but-THEN he gave me a bouquet of flowers :(((( of FRESH flowers guys, its so cute and its so sweet, 

i cried because even though he couldn't bought me anything, he still tried to give me something that i absolutely love

then before he drove us away, he took his black sweater at the back seat

and underneath the black sweater, there was another surprise, another bouquet but bouquet of flowers, it was bouquet of books, of novels,the series of novels that i DREAM to have in my life, and he bought them for me. I don't want him to spend so much money on me, right away i feel guilty, but that was the sweetest thing anybody could ever done to me, he knows what i love, and he made the bouquet himself.

oh dear, i wished i could record that moment, i was shocked as hell, BECAUSE HE LITERALLY SAID HE DIDNT BUY ME ANYTHING, i cried even more, it ruined my makeup and i saw him getting teary too. 

i asked " why are u the one whos  crying !!! ", he just replied to me " i dont knoww". ridiculous 

i love everything that happened, i love him, i love you

and when i thought my birthday surpriseS were over, i wanted to look at the books he bought me ( wanting to read straight away actually), he said " but before that, you should open this one first", and- WHIPPED OUT ANOTHER SURPRISE ?????????????????????/

man.... 

i cried, i cried my makeup off i didn't really care what happened to my face at that moment, 

he gave me another novel, and a crochet book full of flowers and motives, i could die instantly

mom came and looked at me, and i dont know. for whatever reason, i cried even harder, like i wanted to stop, but i couldn't

i feel so loved, and its not about the presents

i feel loved because there is someone that loves me, you know. 

the amount of love and efforts, that i don't think i will ever deserve it. 

and i feel so so happy being in this relationship, and i can't say enough about how grateful i am, to have this love from him

after 20 minutes of crying, we went to watch deadpool and it was so awesome. and we ate burger, that was good too

to be honest, i am a bit scared turning 19, like didn't i just turned 15 when i started blogging ?

but there's nothing to be scared of, nothing to worry about, and i kinda forget when did the last time i cry

19 was way different than 17 , in every way its possible

aimar, you make me the happiest person i have ever been in my life, i am so grateful of what you have been giving to me, all the love you have, all the patience you have, and all the jokes you have ever make me laugh. I love you in every way i can and could, and you are so cute with that new haircut

i wish for us to last forever, and we will.

because im 19, and im mentally matured enough already so we won't have a silly stupid fight anymore

and thank you for making my day full with love, every single time.