blog #88

 hi it's me

it's 9th may 2024, and tomorrow is my last class in dengkil, and i feel 

scared

im scared, going into the next chapter of life which i'm not really sure what is it.

but we can hold that burden of worrying for another time


my last sem in dengkil is lonely.

my housemates weren't like the previous ones, we're not as close as i thought we would be. 

but it's fine for me, i guess


i love being here, everything is okay here. 

i don't even know how to physically write what i felt, im just so drained up


i want to cry, but why would i

everything is fine


i have no other place to pour out my feelings

poured my heart out on twitter, 

just to be wrongly taken by a person 

what do you want me to be

i've done everything i could and i know you do too

but isn't it important to listen to what i said, instead of brushing it off and making me feel like what i felt does not matter

just listen, 

i hate to make restrictions on certain things, i wouldn't want that

i hate it when you made me feel like you have to make restrictions on certain things because of me

but what can i say, 

we fought and we are sorry, but does it truly make things better

i hate myself now and it's worse when you made me realised even more about hating myself


i wouldn't send you anything, it would just takes your time

i wouldn't text you first, i don't want to take away your time as you said 

i would never want to that to you, im sorry



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

the end of '24 part I

 hi it's me just a day until the new year, i find it so weird- how can i be 20 next year its insane. i havent blogged for awhile when im here, in my first semester degree i dont know, im still trying to make myself feel comfortable in here, well - it's not a place i would want to do my degree.  i made peace with it , i redha i guess it's fine. it's not so bad so far, i LOVE the course im taking. im in my element just- the place, its a ghost town, what do you feel but on a bright side, i can save money i guess i always wanted to blog, but i dont have the mood for it, not really i miss me , like this- sitting with my laptop on, writing things that are coming out from my head i've blogged since im 15, goddamn im 20 in 2 days...  how time really flies, this blog has seen EVERYTHING, well , not everything EVERYTHING, just- a major part that i feel like i want to blog it here (?) i know, i know, blog is like old people thing, idk- millenials ? millanials wtv the fuck how ...
Read more ! »

8:48 (blog #116)

  hi it's me i felt like writing something tonight even if it's not usually my time of writing, i mean before this, yeah now, I just dont have the time for it, and i have a lot to do, a lot assignments, group project to think For the past few weeks i have been busy, busy with my studies, my assignments, works on the club, i even compete to be vice president or secretary for the next semester, it has been so so busy- with back to back event but i feel good, tired- but good. im still trying to figure out how to balance on everything, my relationship, my studies, my hobby for writing still trying to make time for myself, just me, laptop, writing with my headphones on with a volume of 80 because theyre noisy ( roomates/classmates) i applied for a maybank scholarship last semester, and i got an email for me to be in the next assesment, interview thing. Oh i already feel some butterflies in but so excited  i want to write more but at the back of my mind, its statistics tutorial, and...
Read more ! »

my

  hi for the past few days, wait let me try that again i always think about you, mai. maybe because i put our pictures on the wall, or maybe i miss talking to you, or maybe i'm always wondering how things ended and why and what happened.  it's getting out of control in my mind to think, so i'm writing it down so i can see i love you, mai.  not in the past tense, no you're my bestfriend. i like being with you, which is something to think about since the last time we met was 2 years ago.  i know what you felt about me, and im comfortable with it, it was a moving on confession so i wouldn't mind, in a slightest i dont know about now, i don't know any of your updates, and it makes me sad that i don't know a thing about you when we're older. but i put the blame on me when i didn't reply to your last message.  it's my fault that we did not get a chance to meet, you have a right to be mad, to be pissed off.  but no one is replying to me, and theyre some...
Read more ! »