blog #82

 

i realised i should be more grateful of what i have right now

i have a loving mother , a loving boyfriend

i love my boyfriend without forcing myself to fall in love with him

its natural, 

but sometimes there's a glimpse in my head of what would be my future if i hadn't leave

what ifs questions always keeping me insane, i wanted those to leave, leave from my head

i love my relationship right now, i am being loved, i am happy

please let me keep what i have now forever, i love it this way

im worried because not all good things will keep on happening to me

but i pray to god, let me keep this genuine love i have

and how funny is it

2 years ago i was crying, begging to be understood

its the anniversary of us, and i know i don't even have to remember it 

but it stuck with me, every memories, every pain, every jokes, every tears

im not sure what kind of person i am, but i am definitely not gonna forget all those, not because i longed for it, it already happened to me, and it stays here

do i forgive ? yea i do, i made peace of it, but im not gonna trust myself saying i wont think about it and get mad every now and then

a year ago i hoped he would change for us, for him

he did, for a bit

now, it might seems like i moved too fast, but im not regretting any of it. 

i feel loved by him, i cried sometimes but its about my fault, we talked when it seems like something is wrong, oh and he talks to me, like he love me

oh how do i not melt,