hi, i can make it tonight

 

hello everyoneeeeee, it's me syaf

I'm in a good mood today despite a boring day, I feel happy, I feel healthy but mind you, I haven't eaten anything since morning, and I did in fact eat something. Maggi tomyam, my love. I never tried maggi kari, or any other maggi other than tomyam and ayam. I don't know i dont eat spicy food, so I never even want to try it

it has been over a week im in dengkil for my second semester and LAST semester. I got nervous for the first week but ah, it's nothing to worry about, the subjects got tougher and more complicated but I enjoyed it. I love being here, I love the friends I made when I'm here, even though it's not a lot, but I love being friends with them, they're funny and it makes me comfortable with them. My classmates are fine, perhaps just a tiny bit of interaction between the other guys in the class but I don't mind. I just hope we can go somewhere together as a whole and spend more time together. 

my new housemates, uh- we're just doing our own work most of the times. never had that ice breaking session yet but we'll get through it. We got into Dahlia 1 and OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, DISGUSTING AS HELLDJFDJF. the bathroom , THE BATHROOM. it's like people before this, did not even clean their bathroom at least once in a whole semester. So me and zatul went to diy to buy some cleaning stuffs and a kettle because we don't have any. we brushed and brushed till clean and guess what, after two days - the kettle is broken, !!!! and i was not there when they said its broke but i can't help it but feel like it falls under my responsibility because im the one who bought the kettle ( w zatul obvi ) so i feel like i have to go and claim a new one. 

my skin isn't looking very nice in here, i dont know why. AT home i look very pretty, in here im still pretty but less. the skin is not skinning man, i want my old skin back. and how to even achieve that , like when people look at you and the thoughts that are going on their mind is nothing but " oh my god, shes pretty " like okay im truly sorry, for wanting every girl's dreams.

 But i just have to be grateful isn't it. 

I am somehow in a situation in which i don't even know if I'm regretting it or be happy about it

im feeling as if Im losing something but at the same time im getting a happiness i deserve

do you guys remember my friend, qayyum ?

i made an entry about him in the blogs, and how is my relationship with him over the years

a few weeks ago, i read his confession letters back and i can't help but feeling .. guilty

he poured his heart out in the letters and saying things so genuinely which I longed for in a very long time

but at the same time, aimar was here, close with me and basically saying the same thing like qayyum 

i know both of them are fine, smart man. and i was just getting out from a toxic relationship, i dont rushed for a second relationship

maybe i made a mistake by choosing to have another relationship after the break up

but perhaps my best mistake i ever had done because, i'm happy guys

aimar treats me so well, listens to me, and loves me

recently me and qayyum had a talk about my guilt, and he understands me, 

and said something in which im really grateful for



like guys.. I cried after reading this like... oh my god... i need words of affirmation.. i need it
and qayyum is a nice person guys, he really is

aimar, is probably the cutest guy i ever known. He's so fancy, but nerdy. Those two never seems to be in a same sentence but in him, it is. He just do everything i said, but it doesn't mean he doesnt have a mind of his own. it gets a little bit frustrating because we're both a single child, thus we usually get everything we want and we never share things with people. yea.. that can be a little bit of problem. 


there's one thing i really hate though, not about my boyfriend okay. this is about something else

i really hate when after all this while, i was right 

especially when the other person really be saying otherwise

I write a blog since I was 15, im almost 19 now 
and my ex mf boyfriend hates

hates blogging, hates writing, hates to even make an effort

and surprise surprise to me, he has his own blogs now ?? 
what the hell ???

he be saying in the blog " this is one of the place he can express " blah blah smtg like that
im like.... dude, i've been writing about you to express my feelings here and you hated it
and now you're doing it ??
great

didn't talk at all with my bestfriends after we met early january. they're busy, im busy. idek if we are still bestfriends at this point


i like to stare at people, i love to stare 

with intentions

does it makes me creepy ? not really

i stare not to just anyone, some people

with intentions

does it makes me look funny ? maybe

but i believe eyes do not lie, and perhaps i just love staring at those brown eyes

no particular reasons, but

definitely with intentions 



 

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