can't do it tonight, sorry

 

hello everyone , it's me syaf

Sorry I couldn't be consistent in writing blogs every week, well I just missed ONE week of blogs so apala sangat.

I'm in dengkil now, surviving my first week of my last semester here. 

i missed last week's blogs because I was busy working, im tired man 8-6 pm with like half an hour break

I'm tired by 8 pm already, I showered and just straight to bed

How am i feeling ?

like right now ?

I dont know, I feel so many emotions in me. i'm excited to learn new stuffs, making new friends. I'm anxious because it's my last sem here and I need to give my all. 

Being here does give me a little bit of comfort, i don't know how to explain it properly

comfort in what way you may ask ?

myself ??? i dont know-

maybe it gives me comfort because i am far from home

it doesn't mean i dont love my home or anything

i just love not being bossed around, that's all


my relationship right now-

he was fine, we fought a lot

he said he's trying to make me feel loved

and not gonna lie, i feel bad

i feel like, im in this kind of chapter already

it feels like im begging ? 

again

maybe this is the kind of love I would get, maybe I deserve this kind of love

I know he's trying and im trying too

but what made me realise is that, I shouldnt talk about what's bothering me about him

to him

like i feel different, i feel there's something off

and when i asked, or more like begging a reassurance, at the end it would be my fault ?

i've been here, and i absolutely hate it

but he said hes trying, 

he's trying


man idont know im getting a bottomrock depression right now

 i do have a lot to write about

but i can't do it tonight

im sad

more to being pity

 to myself

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