life updates

hello, it's syaf

ah where do I even begin

it was a hectic month, with midterm exams and a group project for computer science. Though it was stressful, but it was fun while it lasts.

I found a guy. well not really found, I just noticed. He treats me well, speaks to me properly, a gentleman, a lover (????????????????????????????) way too fast for it right. but i dont know, he treats me so well, so i feel the same thing. maybe i will get the love I deserve but maybe not. I won't have such a high expectations on that because I wouldnt know for sure if hes gonna be here until idk, forever but i really hope he is. 

I am happier now. Now that im home, sleeping in a very same room where I cried myself to sleep every night makes me feel, pity. pity for myself. I love seriously and when i do, I loved hard. Back then i felt like I couldn't live a day without him, I stayed just because I feel I cannot live my life dealing with the pain of breaking up. It hurts and i am hurting. It's good that I finally realised that either choices do i make, I got hurt anyways. In reality, I am doing fine. I am no longer crying, begging, asking, what is it my fault. what do i do wrong until I get to be treated like that. I loved and I cared, hoping that I might get the same love and the same care as I did. 

I moved on, but I hope people can understand that I was in a state that I was already moving on while in that relationship. I was exhausted, I was tired, asking him to love me. I know it's wrong to ask for somebody to love me, but he did say he loves me, but i don't see it. and he didn't show me. and i loved and i cared, with an empty heart. 

So if I got somebody, who treats me well, giving the love I once deserve, please know that I am not that desperate kind of type who wants a boyfriend right after breaking up. I want to be loved, and that is all. 

life in dengkil is so much faster than what I expected. Just finished midterm exams, I would say it went well. I really hope I get what I want. 

About friends, hmmmm. I wouldn't dare to say that i know every name of my classmates but I got along with my group project members. 3 funny and smart boys and a lovely cat lover girl. I am quite grateful having them as my group project members, they do work so that's all it matters. it fun working with them, I just hope they like me.

There were few documents that I have to settled last week. and it WAS SO STRESSFULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. i went on thursday, have to go to lhdn to matikan setem or smtg then they say no setem there, they finished alrdy, then gotta go beli setem kat post office. Luckily, we met a woman with her husband who was coincidentally want to go there too, she wanted to give us a life so i macam soooo bersyukur because u need money lagi to go to the post office so yea we went there, buy setem and go back to lhdn and matikan setem. 

BUT

it's my fault, i didnt watch the youtube video of the taklimat, i was busyyyyyyyyyyyyy so i asked love to watch. THEN he forgot to tell me, the docs cannot print double sided, and i printed.... double sided. So I got mad and love insisted to go out friday morning and go do the process again. at first i feel bad because he shouldnt do that afterall, but i had class on friday morning, he was free, so he just go. and settle the stuffs. thanks u

i love physics here, but i am unsure if physics love me back or not.

today, 23rd Sept I went to my high school to attend a majlis. Feel so lonely because mary is not there, and im not really close with others. thank god i have like one person to talk to, and he toook photos of me and my mother. hihi

It is rare to see my mother liking someone for me . and usually it is hard to make her like someone. But she is indeed liking someone, for me like when i heard she talked right i was like ???????????????????????????, kena sampuk ke. But I would agree to whatever she said because shes a mother of course, she knows better, and whatever she said is not a lie pun. idk, im just impressed. 

to yaya ; 

I love you and i mean it, please stay the same as you are right now. I trust you with my whole heart and please don't take things for granted. Let's work on for both of us okay