1st week

 

hello, it's me

it has been 4 days since im here, so far what i can say is i am just fine. Still working out to make friends, still getting to know our housemates and everything. 


My first classes was PACKED. 8 am until 6. maybe that's normal for most of uni students, have i tell you that i am JUST getting in?

it was packed and that was my first day of period. LIKE WOMAN'S PERIOD ???????????????? i was having cramps and all but i just eat medicine like how i supposed to, very strongz woman right


and then today is my second day of classes, it wasnt that packed like yesterday but definitely made me use my half dead brain that i left in awhile. i learnt physics the base and scalar, at first i was too overconfident like " scalar, base vector ??????" i can do that, i mean thats the easiest in school but then when i actually learn is the "deeper" version of what we learn in highschool ? same goes to maths( addmaths ) and english. we learnt about types of sentences??? part of speech like those that we knew alrdy what are they but we dont know where they categorized at. like we know them but we dont know their parents or ancestors yk


funny story, i was wearing a baju kurung today. as i walked out from my kolej kediaman, everybody dressed up casually like did i miss a memo or smtg. turns out that the girls (idc bout the boys) just dont want to wear baju kurung, i mean i understand, it kinda be a troublesome to wear kain to walk the whole day but idk, no but actually. its just me tetiba lain in my class and suddenly i become a somewhat different girl which makes me uncomfortable because what if they think im wearing baju kurung just to get people's attention. Of course no right, they wont be that busy for me to think about that. 


it hasnt been a month since im single. did i tell you alrdy that i am indeed single. HAHAHAHAHSHABDHABFDEFUHEWFUHEUFH. i was dumb, and stupid. i stayed just for him not to leave me despite every bad thing he had ever done for me. hes not bad, he just doesnt love me, he didnt love me, maybe he didnt at all in the first place, but somehow i feel like it is real because i was seriously in love with him, idk 

hes not bad hes just didnt appreciate the love i had given for him. treated me badly for no reason, being a bitch to me when i dont do anything wrong, all i ever ask for him is..  do i even need to explain it more at this point, I TOLD EVERY FUCKING THING ON THIS BLOG LIKE ITS MY DIARY ON THE EXACT TIME WHAT IS HAPPENING. YOU DONT NEED TO TELL OTHERS THE OPPOSITE BECAUSE ITS NOT THE TRUTH?????????????????? people who read my blogs will know what had happened. i just want him to love me like the way i love him and i know that is hard but why it should be hard if you actually loves someone

im not asking him to change 360 degrees straight. im not asking him to change but his idea of loving is only him receiving the love and i dont, and i cant. and who the fuck will have that much patience to stay? why would i even stay actually, why would i love someone who i care for who i do anything to make him happy. 

back then when i was still in relationship, i thought i cant, like i cannot text him in a day, let alone in aweek. because hes close to me, very close. but funny how people can change drastically for no solid reasons

when they want, they want. when they dont, they dont. they just buang you from their life, they found you boring they just left, despite of every memories they shared and things they dont



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

the end of '24 part I

 hi it's me just a day until the new year, i find it so weird- how can i be 20 next year its insane. i havent blogged for awhile when im here, in my first semester degree i dont know, im still trying to make myself feel comfortable in here, well - it's not a place i would want to do my degree.  i made peace with it , i redha i guess it's fine. it's not so bad so far, i LOVE the course im taking. im in my element just- the place, its a ghost town, what do you feel but on a bright side, i can save money i guess i always wanted to blog, but i dont have the mood for it, not really i miss me , like this- sitting with my laptop on, writing things that are coming out from my head i've blogged since im 15, goddamn im 20 in 2 days...  how time really flies, this blog has seen EVERYTHING, well , not everything EVERYTHING, just- a major part that i feel like i want to blog it here (?) i know, i know, blog is like old people thing, idk- millenials ? millanials wtv the fuck how ...
Read more ! »

8:48 (blog #116)

  hi it's me i felt like writing something tonight even if it's not usually my time of writing, i mean before this, yeah now, I just dont have the time for it, and i have a lot to do, a lot assignments, group project to think For the past few weeks i have been busy, busy with my studies, my assignments, works on the club, i even compete to be vice president or secretary for the next semester, it has been so so busy- with back to back event but i feel good, tired- but good. im still trying to figure out how to balance on everything, my relationship, my studies, my hobby for writing still trying to make time for myself, just me, laptop, writing with my headphones on with a volume of 80 because theyre noisy ( roomates/classmates) i applied for a maybank scholarship last semester, and i got an email for me to be in the next assesment, interview thing. Oh i already feel some butterflies in but so excited  i want to write more but at the back of my mind, its statistics tutorial, and...
Read more ! »

my

  hi for the past few days, wait let me try that again i always think about you, mai. maybe because i put our pictures on the wall, or maybe i miss talking to you, or maybe i'm always wondering how things ended and why and what happened.  it's getting out of control in my mind to think, so i'm writing it down so i can see i love you, mai.  not in the past tense, no you're my bestfriend. i like being with you, which is something to think about since the last time we met was 2 years ago.  i know what you felt about me, and im comfortable with it, it was a moving on confession so i wouldn't mind, in a slightest i dont know about now, i don't know any of your updates, and it makes me sad that i don't know a thing about you when we're older. but i put the blame on me when i didn't reply to your last message.  it's my fault that we did not get a chance to meet, you have a right to be mad, to be pissed off.  but no one is replying to me, and theyre some...
Read more ! »