square puzzles

 

* write this somewhere on october '22

hello , it's me

Just being overly thinking over stuffs

How can a person know what's the best for them and what's not?

After all this while- in my case, I feel if it's making me feel happy, comforted then I thought that's the best for me because why would I want to cry and think it's the best for me, right? 

But what if " the best for me " isn't the best for other people else, what do I do? 

To let it in, that would not be the best for me but it is for some people

To let it go, it would be the best for me but it's hurting other people

Do I have to hurt my own in order to make people wanting to make me feel happy or what 

What do I have to do actually? - in order to make people to love me?

I thought you don't have to do anything for asking people to love you, that's pathetic

That's like- begging people to love you

What do I have to do?

Be understanding? yea I'm trying 

I'm trying but whatever the fuck that's going on in my mind isn't helping at all

I'm constantly keep thinking the worst outcome that's possible, like someone leaving me or abandon me or not wanting to talk to me or be annoyed with me, or don't like in whatever thing I do

Reassuring works but it does feel bad when you're asking for it. Didn't say it's a bad thing for asking, its just- I just feel like do I every time need to tell how to make me feel comforted? like- it's tiring though

and yea I wonder why I'm asking for all of this to people, like if you are the person that makes me feel happy and you fucked up and obviously I feel disappointed for it but do I even need to beg for you to make things alright in order to fix things again? 

Do I have trust issues ? I do not know but