put the blame on me, i wasnt suppposed to be here in the first place

 

hi it's me

it has been awhile 

i'm just busy. Still busy right now, I just have like 2 more months before spm ?

i will write whatever I want after spm I promise. I will tell everything here because I wanted to but I just have no time for it

but this certain topic pulls me to write on here now

i'm on my last school year and as any other 17 year old person in the world, they're gonna have a dinner with their batchmates. 

as we all know, i have a boyfriend and just to keep it short, we are kinda popular around teachers. idk- we just average students not that high or low, just average. Let's just say there are some teachers who are anti on students talking to different genders. So few of them are like keeping their eyes on us- which i dont mind. but i will tell the story about it LATER. After spm. 

So because of that, I heard from common friends that our batchmate's dinner is switching to a batchmate's lunch. the teacher said it was to prevent all the couple stuffs. first of all, ouch. second, dude- cant you just- what the fuck ??????? why . and because of that i feel like i ruined my batchmate's dinner. eventhough its not only me who have a boyfriend, they also have but idk man

i just feel like it's my fault

no, im not blaming anyone, not my boyfriend or the teachers

i just feel like it's my fault for 

existing

you know, i dont want to be a reason for people to be mad and sad and disappointed for a thing that they always dream about. they dream about having beautiful suits and dresses and look pretty and nice without any sweats. I just dont want them to put blame on me. nobody does, yet. but me myself just feel that way

entahla

im sorry 

at this point i just want to unalive myself 



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