bye 2021
a year that everything seems relatively fine
hi it's me
not too long since I'd posted the last blog . My December is totally not the same as the other previous months but I am totally grateful and love every single seconds of mine.
Let's just
think about what had happened throughout this year
I entered my 2021 with a broken heart . Literally 9 hours before 2021 but I ain't gonna complain about that . A whole month was-- just me trying to accept things ( which I totally failed ), a healing time I would say . I am totally not remember what else happened but January was a disaster
February - still a healing time . The times where I had to say goodbye to my old classmates , 3 Amanah . Words can't describe how much do I miss all of you and all the moments we had. 3 years of ups and downs , trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do . What we supposed to do . The vibe was different , everything is different now . Is it due to our age ? Are we matured enough ? I don't know.
I went a day out with my primary school bestfriends , khai and farisha . That was the last time I saw them this year . Khai is living in kuala lipis now so it's hard to see her anytime I want . February 15th was the first blog I ever posted. And when I read it , i'm like " hah who is this ???? , this isn't me " HAHAHSHHAHAHAHH . I don't know why did I write such short and questionable things . I was totally being like so cheerful and all , being hypocrite as I totally did .
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| farisha & me |
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| khai & me |
March - wrote a birthday blog , ma mam's birthday , just went to many beaches every single day , went out with qayyum , mai , adreena , went to bukit tinggi and genting for a week
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| mam in bukit tinggi |
 |
| us in menara |
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| me & mai |
April - i went to school ??? maybe . I don't remember much but apparently I penolong ?? I don't even do anything though . . . daun , im sorry :/ HAHAHAH
ou then its ramadan time
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| remy when hes small |
June - still in a grief mode , notes filled with thoughts that shouldn't be said out loud , busy with school , made a rocket , started to sew , abah's birthday
July , my birthday month , I feel loved every seconds but
 |
| cotton :) |
I feel pressured
I feel depressed I feel a lot of things
and whenever I'm in that situation I just
adopt another cat ;
But I appreciate every single wishes , I do feel very loved , thank you so much
August - still busy in school , heard a shocking news which made me feel awful for days , nothing much happened except I just remembered it was rambutan season HAHAHAHAH
October - I'm fully vaccinated !!!!!!!!!! ,
 |
| 2nd ! |
got my midyear exam marks , pretty good except for addmaths , I failed :)
But never mind , we'll try again though just have to revise and do some more exercises then it'll be good I hope. I know , everybody is feeling the same as me . We do feel pressured most of the time , right ?
I don't know honestly
I'm just scared
 |
| me after mam got married |
yea she did , she DID JSHDJSFDFH
but I'm happy for her , she deserves it .
ok in December ;
I'VE WATCHED SPIDERMAN NO WAY HOME TOO DJFHDSJFHSJHFHSJHFDH IM NOT GONNA RECOVER FROM THAT ??? NO ?? NOT ME ??????? IM SOBBING STILL TO THIS DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
(ok i have to chill )
Finally ,
December
is the month that I wouldn't expect at all . I loved every single seconds , I feel loved by the one I want to love , although I AM only 16 who will turn 17 in 7 months but might as well feel loved now .
I might rushed into things , into decisions but I do feel what it feels right for me and I take a shot of it . I know I ain't gonna be ready to deal with all the consequences after ( which what I exactly told myself earlier ) but I pray to god , please- if it have to be ended , please let it be in a good way. In a way that nobody is hurting
I got what's mine back and I am totally over the moon.
A healthy relationship is all I ever want , I don't wanna ruin things for stupid dumb reasons , comprehend each other is all we need I guess. Got a lamp post on my 4th night , I really hope we can stay like this till forever
found this in my recent reads ;
“I used to think that loving somebody meant sacrificing anything for them. I thought it meant writing them a blank cheque. I thought it meant that you would die without each other. But it turns out that death and a broken heart are not the same.
These days, I think that love is not so dramatic as all that. Maybe loving somebody means simply they bring out the best in you, and you bring out the best in them - so that together, you are always the best possible versions of yourselves.”
These days, I think that love is not so dramatic as all that. Maybe loving somebody means simply they bring out the best in you, and you bring out the best in them - so that together, you are always the best possible versions of yourselves.”
It totally makes sense for me . . as for now .
I ended my 2020 , full with regrets , full with my what-ifs , full with questions and now
I ended my 2021 with what I wanted , who I wanted.
My wholeyear- handsdown I want to make this clear
I'll be honest , I realized that I am in this type of situation where I'm just wondering where the hell did I do so wrong , why did I ended up like this , why , why , why
which recently I've been told that I don't have to think that way
I didn't do anything wrong
No one did anything wrong
It's just
had to have some break
and it is totally fine
but I didn't understand well during that time
I wished whatever I said is true , please tell me it's true
Life gets pretty well in any situation, mam's happy , she's in her love era now i don't want to kacau her anymore , shes happy that's all it matters
To my friends , my bestfriends , I am so sorry if I am not being a good friend of you . I am still struggling too but I understand it shouldn't be an excuse. To my beloved besties, maryam and maizatul, I really really proud for both of you, I'm sorry if I can't show my love enough but just so you know I really really love both of you with all my heart. To my bestfriend too , daun hehee hello there , I just wanna say thank you for always being there whenever I need you , you're being such a good friend , couldn't feel lucky enough so thank you. To my mam ( eventho shes not gonna read this ) , Your happiness is much more important than me , it's okay , I'll be fine, don't worry. aand to my love, there's no need for me to say everything here, just making sure that we should be alright together . We'll be alright
I obviously can't mention every single people but just as you know I really really proud of you even if you feel you were doing nothing but it was so much more than that. I love every single one of you , and I really do
but listen ,
Imagine all the people you meet in your life . There are so many . They come in like waves , trickling in and out with the tide. Some waves are much bigger and make more of an impact than others . Some the waves bring with them things from deep in the bottom of the sea and they leave those tossed onto the shore . Imprints against the grains of sand that prove the waves had once been there , long after the tide recedes .
It's like someone bring you the biggest waves that ever come across and it bring so much that its impressions will always be there , even when the tide rolled out .
stayed there , been there , feel there .
and by that
happy new year everyone
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