bye september

that's when she finally realized that she was holding hands with a memory rather than the person she once thought was the love of her life. 



I'm posting this line repeatedly . I don't know why but it seems to be the best sentence to end my September

I am not ready for October . I am still counting months without or with . For what? I don't know , don't ask me. 

we were so worried about what is going to happen next without realizing that we're exactly in the middle part of what we used to worry. And I knew this . I knew it . I knew that the best decision for me is to let go , let go of all these people , let them go , let him go . He probably thinking that I am such a problem to his life and assume me as a weird-cant-moved-on-girl-who-is-so-stupid . And I knew. I know exactly what I'm supposed to do . But here I am . Mentally healing , physically a lot smaller than before . Is it okay if I consider myself to heal ? Probably no but the rightful answer just to make me feel a lot more better would be yes.

Do I have to wait a little more ? Do I actually have follow the things that I "suppose" to do according to some people ? Do I make any sense of it ? Do I consider this as a life lesson ? Do I have to forget all of these things and be friends again ? or Do I just keep on pretending that everything is fine and I don't have to think about this but little do I know that I am actually thinking about the same topic every single time even when I'm eating which is the most opposite thing that my brain wants to ? 

i dont know 

I don't know to who I prefer to talk with , pretty sure that most of my friends don't even care about this . I'm lost . But sometimes I thought like what do I get  , Why do I make this thing like such a big deal in my life , it just adds to a major factor of  my anxiety . Why do I keep on worrying and hoping about something that already gone . 

I admit that I took this thing seriously. I found me being so silly and stupid , we were just 15 , what did I expect it to be , it just another cancelled love story. But in another sight , I thought why can't I be serious , I am at the point in my life that I should be aware of something good or bad , and maybe we can make some cute memories more together and grow together .  I'm not saying that I am soo mature, no , I am not but the thing is I feel like at that age , it'll be fun . And I had fun , it was fun till it lasted. Im not saying like " haha it was so bad , im going to end my life " no . I had fun . 

I just find another silly thoughts on me while I'm writing this , 

Did I actually fell in love or I'm just in love with the idea of being in love and apparently a confused-tall-dry-zombie guy just there ?

It may be the second one and I am just too overreacting because this is the closest thing that ever happened to me and do happen as well in romance books . 

Did I just romanticize my life ? oh god no . 

I haven't write in ages and I HAVE A LOT MORE TO SAY AAAH

i have to sleep now but aaaaaaaaah

i want to write about exams , my cat cotton , the pizza guy , the one time that i stucked in my bedroom from morning till night because my door locked and my mom wasnt in kuantan, i got an A- for physics ( which I am not very happy about it cause i menurun 4 marks than before and my goal is to get an A for this exam but im still grateful apa apa pun ) , i lost 3 kgs in september now im 39.7 , i drink a lot more water this month , i moved house , i bought new phone cases , i cleaned my room , i bought some more books on bookxcess and i got promos , i skip meals still , i listen to One Direction , and i want to write about some other topics rather than the sameeee topic I used to write blog about . hehee

thank you for YOU who is reading this loooong blog , i just love writing in here , tempat meluah lol , and i'm so sorry if you found me being annoying or whatever ,a shitty blog what did u expect from this hahah.  

I had fun , don't worry . I wish we just continue being like this way . I think this is the best for me , the best for you too . 

and the last sentence should be 

Do I actually fall in love or I'm just in love with the idea of being in love and apparently a confused-tall-dry-zombie guy just there ?

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