happy 16 dearself

IT IS MY DAYYY !! 

 yes syaf you already 16 hahah who would have thought . . like 16 ? 16 ?!!?!

I know , we know , what we dream about last night , like literally sumpah we mimpi about abah , i know we rarely mimpi abah , but maybe that's a sign from him , that he's there watching us . Usually when we dream about something , we never could recall it right, but mine is not . I cannot remember the whole thing but i remembered me holding his hands tightly. ok i dont want to cry

I received lots and lots of birthday wishes whether it's from my friends or my MOTHER'S friends , but still I am so grateful , showered with sweet , emotional wishes on my day . I've never been this loved before. got the best mother ever , who cooks for me so that I will eat at least once a day , got these beautiful friends , mai , weena , mary , daun and other pretty people that I couldn't write all their names here , you have no idea how your words made my day , I've never feel loved like this before , so I thank you so so so much for being here , staying here , even if I may hurt some of you guys , I am sorry . 

Thank you for saying you are always here if I need you , if you have no one to talk to  . . god im crying

because I feel like I am such a shit and stupid and many more words that I couldnt think of but they are bad

I am so sorry if you find this annoying im sorry

I tried to change myself but obviously it is not easy , i dont know when will people even realize that a person is changed , it is not like you have to stare at them for a week 

Sometimes I feel like why cant I be like her ? pretty , friendly, smart , watch animes ( which apparently makes you attractive for some reason ? ) 

but now I'm like oh you know what ,  fuck them all , i am kind-of- pretty, *pleasedontjudgemeIneedsomeselflovern* , im just gonna sit here and do my things , let them call me boring or whatsover, it is boring for them because they don't really enjoy what am I enjoying right ? . Call me basic or whatever , I guess I be one

once again , thank you for wishing my birthday with some emotional sweet messages , I already replied to each one of you , I am totally sorry if I'm not mentioning your names , all of you are too sweet , I might get diabetes hihi , thank you once again , thank you for staying , being here for me . thank you , thank you , i love you . 

well I made this letter in my notes , might as well include it here , read it if you want to but if not then thank you for reading my blog , have a lovely night , goodbye! 

A letter for me .  

happy 16 sya,

may you delete unwanted memories in your brain as soon as possible

may you find your joy in something soon

make sure to do homework right away , lipat baju , cuci pinggan dengan rajin , since you banyak duduk rumah now

please please please promise me , please have a meal at least once . nak mati awal ke

drink water too jangan lupa

 please promise to me ,

after this , whoever that will come into your life , please don't get too attached , don't be too happy , don't be too hoping , don't be too mad , because girl , this isn't the love story that you've been listening , reading , watching to since little . Get over it girlfriend , this isn't your time yet . Whatever happened , it happened , this is not happening to you alone , everyone does, it is not your fault , it is not his either , so  I hope you can get over this ,don't take too long , might affect your studies .

please , be a good daughter to ibu , you only have her in your life , no one else , so please remember, ikut je cakap dia , okay sya ? make her happy , jangan susahkan dia , ur 16 sya

please check your friends , don't think that only you got problems , tanya diorang how are their days, are they doing good , say you are very blessed to have them in your life , maybe it will make their day better .

lastly , sya

jaga diri , jaga hati 

semoga apa yang kamu hadam dalam hati , dalam jiwa  memberi pengalaman yang berharga untuk kita hadapi hari-hari yang lain


- syaf 



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