maybe we are alike

  hi it's me, it's syaf i was supposed to study tonight, i have chemistry exam on thursday. but i fell down on those dark times that i kept saying myself not to remember anymore,  and i didn't remember it, i didn't remember the exact words he said until what i can only remember now is just pain, until i was cleaning my phone, deleting some useless screenshots,  and i found myself right now, crying over the same texts he sent me, the same feeling i felt a year ago.  i moved on, i found somebody who is so much nicer, but the feelings i feel has never been gone, right now i feel like i was 18 again, sitting on my bedroom floor, shaking and crying, breathing out of breath begging, for him to not leave me, begging for keep his promises, " go away " " find someone else" " the only reason you cant find someone else bcs you afraid of something new " " i loved you , im tired of loving, and giving attention" "u wear lens tho, i prefer ...

 hi it's me it's 9th may 2024, and tomorrow is my last class in dengkil, and i feel  scared im scared, going into the next chapter of life which i'm not really sure what is it. but we can hold that burden of worrying for another time my last sem in dengkil is lonely. my housemates weren't like the previous ones, we're not as close as i thought we would be.  but it's fine for me, i guess i love being here, everything is okay here.  i don't even know how to physically write what i felt, im just so drained up i want to cry, but why would i everything is fine i have no other place to pour out my feelings poured my heart out on twitter,  just to be wrongly taken by a person  what do you want me to be i've done everything i could and i know you do too but isn't it important to listen to what i said, instead of brushing it off and making me feel like what i felt does not matter just listen,  i hate to make restrictions on certain things, i wouldn't want...

  hi, it's me it's 3rd of may, 2024 i was just revising physics, i have final exam at the end of the month. and my foundation studies are over, and it is so surreal, i can't believe it but this is not what i want to blog about.  today, 8 years ago, at 7 am I lost my dad. He got stroke for quite a lot, but he got better every few months, and it happened to him again. I'm used to sleeping on the chair, keeping him company, but I was 11, I wasn't matured, and i wasn't really thinking. I used to do my homework on the table where the doctors used to check in on and about my dad. I'm used to it, since my dad had been sick since i was young, very young. like 8. the last time he got admitted to the hospital, was on labour day. 1st may 2016. a week before that my dad already laying in bed, but it was totally normal for me, because he had always been sick. but on that day, towards around 6pm, my mother called ambulance, for my dad. I had "siblings" from my f...