maybe we are alike

  * write this somewhere on october '22 hello , it's me Just being overly thinking over stuffs How can a person know what's the best for them and what's not? After all this while- in my case, I feel if it's making me feel happy, comforted then I thought that's the best for me because why would I want to cry and think it's the best for me, right?  But what if " the best for me " isn't the best for other people else, what do I do?  To let it in, that would not be the best for me but it is for some people To let it go, it would be the best for me but it's hurting other people Do I have to hurt my own in order to make people wanting to make me feel happy or what  What do I have to do actually? - in order to make people to love me? I thought you don't have to do anything for asking people to love you, that's pathetic That's like- begging people to love you What do I have to do? Be understanding? yea I'm trying  I'm trying but...

i am numb. i almost give up on us. i said it. its tiring to see that in this relationship is only one sided love.  we love each other. why i can try my best to make you feel loved and happy  but when it's you, it is so hard. i am trying to understand you that you cannot do stuffs that can make me happy but why were all the things that you did just a lie ? i dont understand any single thing where did i go wrong each day, i feel like you are apart from me and i cannot do anything i am trying to understand that when im trying to explain my feelings for you to understand, you take it as a nag. bcs your're father always nags to you. i understand that.  but does it mean that i cannot  explain my feelings to you? i explain because i want to have a deep conversation about us, whether i am right or wrong. i explain because im scared of certains stuffs, im scared losing you. i explain because i dont want you to think others that what i actually feel. i am not explaining stuffs...