not a good start
Oh hi guys, it's me. Ten days in and I am losing it. Every day feels exactly the same, I feel like I am living the exact same day every single day. What is this? I thought the new year would actually bring me some new meanings in life and some new goals. Turns out it isn’t how I thought it would be. I feel shitty, I feel empty, I feel like doing stupid things just to fill the void, filling it temporarily. And then feeling guilty as fuck afterwards. What has gotten into me? I don’t know how to put things into words. These burdening struggles are hard to explain. Maybe it is time to seek help, but I don’t think I have the strength for it. I haven’t been sleeping, haven’t been eating well. Generally just really not minding whether I live or not at this point. But at the same time, I am scared. Scared of things becoming too real, scared that I will get stuck inside this void willingly, and not seek help. It's wonderful how good of pretenders we are. As we are among colleagu...